Often I overlook myself

Focusing, meditating just now, I notice yet again the surprising thing: that I’ve been overlook the heart of myself in my day. It takes me a while sitting quietly to notice it. Then I notice that slightly off to one side, a bit aloof, feeling alone character that I’ve been ignoring. I immediately recognize he’s “me” and feel relieved in seeing that. He’s overshadowed by the busybody-me who goes around trying to get things organized or done.

I’ve lost touch with this character so many times, going along with a memory of him, an impression of what I should do.  Is it like he has no right to be here? Or else why does he quickly become a memory even after being vibrantly experienced?

Yet when he’s here I immediately see that he’s the important one. He’s the one I love. He’s the presence or the one who feels the Presence; he isn’t separate from it.

When I’m not in touch with him I still know about him but that’s not the same as being him, living him.  I even have a name for him sometimes, the little guy. But other times I realize he is the presence, the Presence, the heart.

And another thing: when I notice this presence, even though it sounds self-ish, I’m relatively self-less; I’m present to who and what’s around me as not being different than me. When I don’t notice it, I’m subtly trying to get attention from others. Although it’s out of awareness I’m wishing I had that attention, all the time.

Choose a future and it happens right away

The future you choose will be the present you live!

The future doesn’t happen down the road; it starts immediately when I make up my mind about what’s going to happen. I start to live in that future right away.

An example is the way I hold my future vis a vis the economy. Option A is I feel I’ve got to hold on tight to the big institutions and government, that Obama has to save me / us. Immediately I’m in a losing game, afraid of going down.

But if I choose Option B, an unknown future with that’s filled with creative possibilities I co-create with others, that I have to realize myself, right away I’m in an exciting field of adventure, having fun. Right now, in this moment, things are good.

Things literally couldn’t be better in fact, because this is the moment that is.

When I choose either future it starts to happen right away.  I love that!

Everyone’s an original

What I notice about my own inner life is it seems to have an ornery streak in it. I’ve studied many religious traditions and means, but some part of me doesn’t feel satisfied with them. Is this the “prince with the pea under the mattresses” syndrome, the never happy guy?

Maybe partly. But this inside person, who I’ll shorthand as “the little  guy,” is often happy. Super sensitive, yes, but happy often. He knows what he likes and he definitely likes it.

The little guy is an original. He thinks, “I am me and no one else can ever see it or know it in the same way.  I’m unique. “

One of his thoughts is that everyone is an original. Aren’t they? Deep down below the conditioning and the pretending and the . . . oh, I don’t know, down there, one of a kind. “Me dammit, “  they’re saying. “This is so important here. What William Carlos Williams called ‘the importance of a red wheelbarrow,’ which is to say, everything.”

I (as opposed to the little guy) am often not original but that’s because I’m often trying to cover up the little guy and pretend that I’m normal. I’m trying to pass. No, I ‘m pretty sure everyone’s an original. I know that many have no interest in it the way that I do, and that they will likely stay covered over (tho I know people’s timing is original too and they may get naked when I least expect it, or when they do).

So I’m claiming the little guy’s way, his vision and perception, as good and valuable and beautiful, as smart and savvy and cool. I like him. I’m with him all the way. He can make up his own religion if he wants.

I think he’s an original. An ordinary original like everyone.

I’m not going to let him go.